Decode
by sarahelizabeth1993
Summary: Merlin/Morgana based on the song "Decode" by Paramore. Morgana's thoughts and feelings.


**A/N: Okay this is based of the song "Decode" by Paramore. I was listening to it on my iPod last night and immediately thought of Merlin and Morgana. So I thought I'd give it a try. Here goes! Please tell me what you think! The lyrics are in italics.**

_How can I decide what's right, when you're clouding up my mind?_

Morgana couldn't breathe when he was around, let alone think. She didn't see how he could be loyal to a king so terrible when he was so good, it didn't make sense. How was she supposed to get rid of Uther with him around? Would he forgive her for it? Would he think it was right?

_I can't win your losing fight all the time._

She couldn't protect him from everything, not from Uther, not from Arthur, or the witchfinder. She wanted to, but with the recent discovery of her magic she was too busy protecting herself.

_Nor can I ever own what's mine, when you're always taking sides._

Why couldn't she just join the druids forever? It was him, always there, at times helping her, at times helping the king. Couldn't he just pick a side? That would make it all so much easier.

_But you won't take away my pride, no not this time, not this time._

He was always there with his goodness, seeming to silently to scorn her for her evil thoughts, her power hungry attitude. Everything he did was for something else, and it drew her to him as well as pushed her away. She wouldn't let him have power over her, she was a ruler over herself.

_How did we get here, when I used to know you so well? How did we get here, well I think I know. _

How did it get to the point where she felt he was always keeping secrets, always lying? She used to think he was just a simple servant, her trusted friend. But what now? Was it when she had told him about her magic? Did he know something she didn't? He had known the way to the druids. What else did he know? What else was he hiding?

_The truth is hiding in your eyes, and it's hanging on your tongue, just boiling in my blood._

Sometimes when he spoke to her she swore there was something else he was trying to tell her, a hidden message.

_But you think that I can't see what kind of man that you are, if you're a man at all._

She knew he was more than he appeared to be, but could he be… like her? Why wouldn't he tell her when she was drowning in her own isolation, different from everyone else, constantly afraid of death?

_Well I will figure this one out, on my own._

If he wouldn't tell her, she would find out for herself. Somehow she would reveal him.

_I'm screaming I love you so._

She wanted to scream at him how much she needed him. She didn't know how it had gotten to this point but she loved him, even if he didn't trust her. How could she not love him?

_On my own. But my thoughts you can't decode._

If only he could realize how much she wanted him, needed him, loved him. But he never seemed to see, and how could she tell him?

_How did we get here, when I used to know you so well? How did we get here, well I think I know. I think I know._

Why did things have to change? She no longer saw the same Merlin, or even the same Morgana. Was magic the cause?

_Do you see, what we've done? We're gonna make such fools of ourselves. Do you see, what we've done? We're gonna make such fools of ourselves._

Was she seeing something that wasn't there? Was she being foolish? Or was it him?

_How did we get here, when I used to know you so well? Well I think I know. I think I know._

The Merlin she knew was so different, but she loved him even more for it. She may not have known him as well, but did it really matter. All that mattered was that she needed him. And maybe he needed her.

_There is something I see in you. It might kill me, I want it to be true._

The knowledge she had now could get them killed. Magic. It all came down to one thing. Magic. One person. Merlin. Oh how she wanted him to be like her, no matter how dangerous it was. It may have been selfish, but she loved him.


End file.
